Tooth Fairy Blamed for the Recession

Jul 27, 2012

Tooth Fairy Blamed for the Recession

There is a small jar on my dresser that contains random coins, a charm or two, and a collection of baby teeth from each of my boys (ages 10 and 7 at this point).

I have pondered over time what to do with this macabre little collection, which has been amassed totally by accident. The process goes something like this: kid loses tooth, I set my alarm for two in the morning, I get up to the alarm and stumble into the child’s room, dancing around piles of toys and praying to not step on a Lego. Holding my breath, I paw under my child’s pillow to find the tooth, then slip a dollar in cash or coins in its place.

Stumbling back to my room bleary-eyed and confused, I have simply deposited each tooth in the most convenient place between my bedroom door and the bed. During my last house cleaning spell, I noticed that the jar now has a distinct rattle due to all of the baby teeth. If I had any notion that these teeth would someday be monetarily valuable, I can now rest in disappointment.

The Price of Teeth Has Dropped

While the Tooth Fairy has been known to be generous in the past, it’s come to our attention that, overall, the price of teeth has dropped considerably. It’s clear that the economic pinch of the recession has been felt throughout socioeconomic tiers in America, and now children are undeniably effected.

With this crippling news, it’s clear that kids need to be as concerned as adults regarding their financial portfolios. Stephen Colbert of The Colbert Report suggests that they diversify and illustrates why the Tooth Fairy is not to blame.

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